Let me start with some context: I’m writing this from the perspective of a male with white privilege, and my intended audience is biological men who are interested in exploring masculinity, what it means, whether they embody it, and how they can lean more deeply into it.
Masculinity as a Concept
Masculinity is a complex concept shaped by culture, history, and our personal experiences. Throughout time and across societies, masculinity has taken many forms, from the warriors and hunters of ancient times to the providers, thinkers, and leaders of today. Each culture has its own version of masculine ideals, which have evolved and shifted alongside societal changes.
Science’s Take on Masculinity
Research in psychology, behaviour, and biology provides insights into some core aspects of masculinity. For example, testosterone’s influence on assertiveness and risk-taking gives us a glimpse into biological factors that often relate to traditional masculine traits. Studies in neurobiology also reveal that men’s brains may be wired to process emotions and stress differently, with tendencies toward problem-solving or goal-oriented behaviour. But masculinity isn’t only about biology; it’s a blend of socialisation, culture and personal choice.
Positive Masculinity vs. Toxic Masculinity
The idea of positive masculinity celebrates qualities like resilience, compassion, and strength in vulnerability. In contrast, toxic masculinity, behaviours rooted in dominance and aggression, can harm both men and those around them. Studies like the “Man Box” research underscore how rigid expectations affect men’s mental health and relationships. Violence, often directed at partners or children, is a tragic byproduct of unchecked toxic masculinity. Modern women’s expectations of men also shape masculinity’s evolution, creating spaces to explore and challenge outdated stereotypes and at times swinging too far in the other direction disempowering men from their innate, culture and biological strengths.
The “Manosphere” and Radical Thinking
Today’s “Manosphere”, is a collection of partially aligned online community spaces offering diverse perspectives on masculinity. I wouldn’t consider all of the perspectives and practices from all of these communities toxic. However, many are, and encourage harmful behaviour from men or at least have inspired it in them.
These narratives can create cycles of control and at times, violence and abuse towards woman or other men. They often over look basic human rights of others like:
Self-Determination: To make their own choices about their lives, actions, and speech without coercion.
Bodily Autonomy and Consent: To control what happens to, with, or around their bodies, affirming their right to consent in any interaction.
Freedom of Thought and Decision-Making: To think, form opinions, and make decisions independently, exercising full agency in personal and social realms.
Opinions and Beliefs: To share their thoughts openly on any topic, including personal, political, or social issues.
Advocate and Challenge: They can call out injustices, advocate for change, and challenge norms that impact their lives and communities.
Equality of Value: Each person holds intrinsic worth and dignity, regardless of gender.
From my perspective, the male desire for dominance can often reflect a sense of powerlessness in men who have been told that their need for strength and agency is toxic, while knowing they need something deeper than external approval or at worst feeling like a doormat. True power doesn’t lie in overpowering others; it arises from a grounded sense of purpose, freedom, and action. In contexts like the kink community, however, mutually consensual and informed dominance can be empowering, where any person may consent to or request an experience of being dominated for pleasure. Similarly, in times of need, a man or woman may seek guidance or leadership from another, creating an empowering dynamic based on mutual agreement and trust.
My Masculine Journey
Growing up, I lacked strong male role models who were devoted to my masculine development. The core influences of my character were women, my mother, sisters, and girlfriends, who helped me embrace my feminine side, emotional intelligence, self expression and creativity, I am forever grateful for this. Also, this experience left me with an unhealthy fear of my “masculine” side, which at the time I experienced as men being seen as stronger and more powerful than another. Yet, I craved a sense of power, but everything I heard about masculine power painted it as toxic. Being conditioned into my feminine left me feeling conflicted, inauthentic, and angry about feeling powerless. Paradoxically, the more powerless I felt, the more I’d have violent, angry outbursts and embody toxic masculinity, followed by shame. After years of self-doubt, I had a moment of clarity: to feel whole, I had to let go of my old ideas of masculinity and begin a journey toward a conscious masculinity, one where I could feel authentically powerful, manly, and a decent human being. Over time, I found values that nourish my masculine essence: presence, purpose, transcendence, and action.
So what is Masculinity, Really?
In my humble opinion as a 40 year old male, father of two business owner facilitating Men’s Work since 2016, I would say that masculinity is a concept that defines a qualitative way of being.
Some descriptors for this way of being I like are:
Upright
Present
Conscious
On Purpose
Transcendent
Helpful
Active
Through experience, reflection, and work with others, I’ve developed a model for what allows biological men with a predominantly masculine essence to thrive.
The core principles are Purpose, Transcendence and Action:
Purpose – I am grounded in the here and now, however I am paying conscious attention to who I am and who I am being, why I am here and what direction I am moving in. I am aware that I am intimately connected with the wellbeing of others and my purpose reflects this.
Transcendence – I am equally consciously aware that I am not bound. Not bound by approval, not bound by pleasure, not bound by safety. And at my core I am ultimately beyond all concepts, I am.
Action – I am aware of what I am doing in the present moment. My action is devoted to my purpose and equally transcendent of outcome, I know where I am going but I act from satisfaction, not towards it.
Together, these principles form a conscious practice that supports masculinity thriving, one where men can feel fulfilled, resilient, and connected, a truly Powerful Man.
An Invitation to Go Deeper
If these ideas resonate with you, I invite you to join me in the 13-Week Powerful Man Program. Together, we’ll explore what it means to be a truly powerful man, using practices, reflections, tools and templates to help you expand in wealth, health, love, leadership, and career. Masculinity isn’t about fitting a mold; it’s about finding your own power through purpose, transcendence and action for the benefit of others.
Do you have a question or topic you would like to learn more about?
If so email mike@michaelvaccaro.com.au and I will incorporate what's most relevant for you in up and coming articles, podcasts and youtube videos.
May All Beings Be Happy